You'd be surprised at the number of people that have ended up in abusive relationships. Never think that you are the only one that has experienced this. You are not alone. People from all walks of life, all socioeconomic levels have situations of abuse. Don't allow shame to keep you from talking. This is why it is such a secret in our society, the shame is binding. Telling effects the relationships closest to you, especially if they know what is going on and they look the other way. Everything changes, and it should. Anyone in your life that is aware of the abuse doesn't need to be in your life. It doesn't matter who it is.
We may not want to rock the boat because of social status. We connect who we are by the company and relatives that we keep. We don't want to loose the associations. But we must. A clean break from all around is the best course of action. No need to think that you can't go it alone. You can. It takes effort. You will need this time alone to get back in touch with who you are. You may have never truly known who you are and what you want out of life because you may have experienced abusive situations all of your life.
Without proper guidance as a child, navigating the true world can be a daunting task and looking at it through the eyes of someone that has been abused is even tougher.
Allow the years to pass without any contact with those that have mistreated you. You are responsible for healing you. Those that abused are not going to come and save you. There is no magic pill. Maybe after 25 years or so, but it's nothing to look forward to. Allow me tell a bit of my history.
My first husband was verbally and physically abusive. I think I've mentioned that he pushed me out of a moving car when I was 5 months pregnant with my first son. Then he kidnapped our son with his girlfriend at the time, who later became his wife when our son was 1 and had him for 8 months until I hunted him down.
This relationship was bad even after I finally divorced him. I was on of those whose poor thinking kept him in my sons life. And yes my son has had problems because of it. Absolutely my fault. Because I knew, but I thought that I was trying to be nice and forgiving as I was taught according my my religious beliefs at the time. I even allowed our son to live with him for 4 years. One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life outside of marrying him in the first place. After our son came back to live with me it was tough going. The damage to him living with his father still haunts us to this day. After this my ex kept low and away.
When our son was about 17 or 18 his father wanted back into his life after being absent for some years.
His father(the abuser) apologized for being the bad husband and father. Our son at this point is bigger than the both of us, he had to make the decision at to whether of not allow his dad back in. Sooooooooo, he did. And it was obvious that his dad had turned a new leaf. He even gave me a car to drive while I got mine repaired. Now had he been this way when we married, we might still be married. But he wasn't.
I tell this side of him because it shows that people can change with time. The key word here is TIME. You really need to get away from it. It may take twenty years, it may take more, but that is not your concern. you have to move on and let your abusive partner go. And keeping him/her around for the kids so that they can have a relationship can prove dangerous both physically and mentally. You deserve a good life, so do your kids.
We may not want to rock the boat because of social status. We connect who we are by the company and relatives that we keep. We don't want to loose the associations. But we must. A clean break from all around is the best course of action. No need to think that you can't go it alone. You can. It takes effort. You will need this time alone to get back in touch with who you are. You may have never truly known who you are and what you want out of life because you may have experienced abusive situations all of your life.
Without proper guidance as a child, navigating the true world can be a daunting task and looking at it through the eyes of someone that has been abused is even tougher.
Allow the years to pass without any contact with those that have mistreated you. You are responsible for healing you. Those that abused are not going to come and save you. There is no magic pill. Maybe after 25 years or so, but it's nothing to look forward to. Allow me tell a bit of my history.
My first husband was verbally and physically abusive. I think I've mentioned that he pushed me out of a moving car when I was 5 months pregnant with my first son. Then he kidnapped our son with his girlfriend at the time, who later became his wife when our son was 1 and had him for 8 months until I hunted him down.
This relationship was bad even after I finally divorced him. I was on of those whose poor thinking kept him in my sons life. And yes my son has had problems because of it. Absolutely my fault. Because I knew, but I thought that I was trying to be nice and forgiving as I was taught according my my religious beliefs at the time. I even allowed our son to live with him for 4 years. One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life outside of marrying him in the first place. After our son came back to live with me it was tough going. The damage to him living with his father still haunts us to this day. After this my ex kept low and away.
When our son was about 17 or 18 his father wanted back into his life after being absent for some years.
His father(the abuser) apologized for being the bad husband and father. Our son at this point is bigger than the both of us, he had to make the decision at to whether of not allow his dad back in. Sooooooooo, he did. And it was obvious that his dad had turned a new leaf. He even gave me a car to drive while I got mine repaired. Now had he been this way when we married, we might still be married. But he wasn't.
I tell this side of him because it shows that people can change with time. The key word here is TIME. You really need to get away from it. It may take twenty years, it may take more, but that is not your concern. you have to move on and let your abusive partner go. And keeping him/her around for the kids so that they can have a relationship can prove dangerous both physically and mentally. You deserve a good life, so do your kids.
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