One of the most difficult things that you will ever have to do in life is leave your abuser. And after you leave, your next greatest task will be staying gone. This is difficult because it pulls at your emotions. Even though you have left and realize that it is the best thing for you, you feel guilty perhaps. The abuser is left to deal with issues, not seeing the kids, having to deal with being an abuser, the one that caused the break up. And there are other abusers that never learn. They are not connected to how they have hurt you and will be hell bent on revenge.
In either case the goal is to not allow them back into your life. The abuser will try anything to get back into your life. The offer of gifts, counseling, apologies, dinners, asking to come and sleep over for old time sake. Some may even use the threat of suicide to gain your sympathy. Whatever method of persuasion they use, turn a blind eye. It is the contact that keeps them hoping. If you have not made a clean break by allowing the abuser to see the kids, then you have left the door open for disaster. This is not a game. It takes a lot of courage to do what you need to do for your own life and that of your children. Yes you are taking the kids away from their abusive parent. You must ask yourself what type person do I want my child/children to be. If you keep them in an abusive situation there is very strong evidence that they will grow to be the abuser or one allowing the abuse to go on. Is this the life you want for your child/children?
Parenting is a great responsibility. It is up to you to see that anyone that you bring into the world has a well rounded life. They will not have that with an abuser. We don't want to take responsibility for the children that we raise. And although as an adult they can go off and do anything and society does not hold us responsible, the seed that made the monster started at home. How can we possibly escape that. We can't. Just like the one who is abusing you. His parents knew that there was some type of problem but looked the other way and now this person doesn't know well how to function in the world. The world will not give you slack because you had a bad or neglectful childhood. Jails are full of them. Full. Is this what you want?
I do believe that souls come to this planet with issues that they have to work out. For some it is life long, but you as a parent are the first line of guidance. Some parents are too lazy to guide their children. It is work and not work to be taken lightly. Who a person is at the age of 18 is a direct reflection of parenting. Good or bad.
You cannot fix what their parents allowed to grow and fester. They must seek the help on their own. It is not your job to fix them. That is not love. You will not be able to love them enough to fix them. It hasn't worked so far has it?
When you leave the guidance of a women's or abusive center is most helpful. They offer steps to take to get away and stay away. The guidance and steps work only if you use them. Guilt is a useless emotion in this case. Either you are going to do something about this situation or not. No one can do it but you.
In either case the goal is to not allow them back into your life. The abuser will try anything to get back into your life. The offer of gifts, counseling, apologies, dinners, asking to come and sleep over for old time sake. Some may even use the threat of suicide to gain your sympathy. Whatever method of persuasion they use, turn a blind eye. It is the contact that keeps them hoping. If you have not made a clean break by allowing the abuser to see the kids, then you have left the door open for disaster. This is not a game. It takes a lot of courage to do what you need to do for your own life and that of your children. Yes you are taking the kids away from their abusive parent. You must ask yourself what type person do I want my child/children to be. If you keep them in an abusive situation there is very strong evidence that they will grow to be the abuser or one allowing the abuse to go on. Is this the life you want for your child/children?
Parenting is a great responsibility. It is up to you to see that anyone that you bring into the world has a well rounded life. They will not have that with an abuser. We don't want to take responsibility for the children that we raise. And although as an adult they can go off and do anything and society does not hold us responsible, the seed that made the monster started at home. How can we possibly escape that. We can't. Just like the one who is abusing you. His parents knew that there was some type of problem but looked the other way and now this person doesn't know well how to function in the world. The world will not give you slack because you had a bad or neglectful childhood. Jails are full of them. Full. Is this what you want?
I do believe that souls come to this planet with issues that they have to work out. For some it is life long, but you as a parent are the first line of guidance. Some parents are too lazy to guide their children. It is work and not work to be taken lightly. Who a person is at the age of 18 is a direct reflection of parenting. Good or bad.
You cannot fix what their parents allowed to grow and fester. They must seek the help on their own. It is not your job to fix them. That is not love. You will not be able to love them enough to fix them. It hasn't worked so far has it?
When you leave the guidance of a women's or abusive center is most helpful. They offer steps to take to get away and stay away. The guidance and steps work only if you use them. Guilt is a useless emotion in this case. Either you are going to do something about this situation or not. No one can do it but you.
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