Domestic Violence/ Intimate Partner Violence

This blog is about domestic abuse and the unnecessary shame of it. Many suffer in silence out of fear of retribution. There is help available, resource centers, shelters for women and children, but often there is no one outside of these entities to talk too. I simply want to be an instrument in helping alleviate the shame of domestic violence. Tell your hurt, tell your experience, anonymously, of course. This is for safety reasons. Domestic  violence kills. Not only the physical body, but those that survive it physically are scared and it can take years to get such conditioning out your psyche. When you psyche is damaged, it affects every part of your life. Your job, your ability to connect with others, how you care for yourself, your children,  how you see yourself.

It is a difficult cycle to break, but it can be done. If you were a child and experienced abuse in the home, male or female,  how you view love is already formed and you may not think anything is wrong with it, but violence against another is a crime. I am not talking about sibling squabbles unless it becomes physical. I am talking about watching your parents physically hit one another. One controlling the other with fear, stalking the other, withholding money, limiting family and friends etc.There are many  methods of controlling someone. I will list them all through out this blog.

This is not a counseling blog. I can give not professional advice. This is just a sounding board. Often when we say it out loud, it propels us forward to take further action. To get out of the abusive relationship. An abusive partner can sneak up on you before you realize what has  happened even if you have not come from an abusive family. This happened to me, I grew up in a household with violence. So when I began to choose boyfriends, the ones that I allowed closest to me and married were abusive. I was pushed out of a moving care at five months pregnant.  The yelling the screaming, the telling that I was worthless. It takes a devastating toll.

So naturally, I did not have the violence around my children. I remained single and without a serious mate until my children were grown. A still, my daughters' first encounter with a serious partner became violent. I thought that I had taught her better. I thought she knew better.Trying to break the emotional pull that he has on her has been tough. She doesn't want to leave. None of us do because we have confused this with love. This is not love. Taking me shopping, is not love when I get home and you hit me because you are mad. As with her her life is very convenient,  she doesn't to do much of anything, but be there and get abused. That is the control he has over her. I prepared my child for college, to build a great life of her own. He would go visit her all the time, interfering in her studies, and of course she becomes pregnant. She came out of school and has been with him every since. Naturally in these cases, she won't call the police to report him. She is trying to be the peace make so that his family can always see the baby. He and they lost there rights when he first hit her.
Enough said.

As a parent it is difficult to sit by with the law tying your hands. She has to make the move. I just want all of us to know that we are better than this. We deserve to be treated as the divine gift from God that we are.  It is not going to be given, it must be demanded by each and everyone of us. And we do this by not tolerating anyone to disrespect our person. Each time that you stand up for yourself, you move forward. It doesn't have to be some grand gesture, just say no. I am not saying to say this to your abuser because that could be deadly, but in other areas of  your life where someone is trying to run over you. You've got to start somewhere. Let this be the last generation that has to struggle with this.